The Fear

One year ago I was doing contract work at my old office, I was attending every teaching job fair I could find, emailing every principal, and hounding my own principal about hiring me as a teacher. I was about to go back to work as an aide. Then, on the day I went back, I was making copies for for the teacher I was an aide for (Sylvia), when someone’s contract fell through. The intercom beckoned me to the office and there sat the decision makers of my school along with my future team leader. They were offering the fourth grade. I was supposed to teach special ed or younger kids, I just knew it. I needed a job and I fearfully accepted. Petrified doesn’t begin describe my feelings. Would they listen to me? These 9/10 year olds? Would they care what I had to say? Would they learn anything from me? I couldn’t eat, my stomach hated me, and I was shaking the night before the first day of school.

Many things have changed in the past year. Growing into myself has been a long and steady process, but this past year, it sped up. I found an outlet for the person I am. I was able to turn to my support system and conquer my fear of failure. My love of people, reading, creating, and learning was put to good use. My mentor teacher, my teammates, the teacher I was an aide for, my mother, my boyfriend, my friends and my family all were there for me to sort out fear and help guide me. Learning, growing, and  making decisions have led me to now. I could not ask for a better life than the one I currently have. I have great love in my life.

Fear and anxiety have been slowly creeping up on me again. I invited myself to go with my mentor teacher (Lauren) and group of people from her church to Honduras. I had always assumed that I would have been on many great adventures before I reached my current age, but I have not. Tomorrow I leave for an adventure. My anxieties and fears seem trivial, first world problems as JMO has begun to say. What if I get car sick? What if they don’t have coffee? What if…. This will not be America, the place where broke means I don’t have money to take a vacation, broke doesn’t mean I can’t eat. I have spent a good deal of time reading about Honduras, reading the FAQs on the Mission Lazarus site, and looking at their postings on their blog. This month for my happiness project, I am keeping a prayer journal. Writing down my anxieties and asking God for guidance has truly helped me prepare for this journey. Gathering knowledge and addressing anxiety is the way to squash fears. So, as the fear is being squashed, there will be more room in my heart for the adventure and journey that awaits.

Photo from the Mission Lazarus Blog
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Internetting

Last summer I brought JMO to my grandparent’s house, and he brought his brand new iPad. My grandparents never got a computer and often state that they missed the boat, they think it is to late for them. My grandpa has curiously asked for assistance “Googling” while visiting any of his kin, but he has long stopped making visits. So, last summer, when JMO brought a device that my grandpa could hold and touch, he was hooked. JMO is a whiz at the internet (and everything else), so he found many things that a normal internet user may not come across. He discovered a German site with Pickert lineage before the Pickerts came to America. This was a gold mine for my grandpa, he has spent years researching genealogy. When I got home, I printed it out for him, and he has now told every member of our family about the German site that starts with Joachim Pickert in 1757.

The Art of Internetting

So, as we began to plan our trip to Florida this summer, my grandpa had one request, bring the iPad. He does not feel he is quite ready to own his own, but he was anxious to use it again. Last Wednesday, my cousin dropped me off, and my grandpa and I set off internetting. We Googled “Pickert” and my grandpa spent hours reading every link possible. There is a town in North Dakota called Pickert. There is also a German potato cake called Pickert. There is also a writer for the Times named Kate Pickert. We don’t know her, but she is probably lovely. We also explored his parts of the world he wanted share on Google Earth. Then I left it with him, and told him I would get it back on Friday. He was uncertain about this, and took notes on how to do certain things on the iPad. Friday, when we went to their home, my grandpa had a stack of magazines where he had circled the, “For more information go to www…” parts. We went for lots more information. During dinner, he told a story about driving his uncle’s 1929 Franklin as a child, then he realized he could show us pictures on the iPad. Then he proceeded to look at Franklins for sale across the country, we found one is good working condition for $48,000. The options truly are limitless with the world wide web at your fingertips.

I’ve grown up with computers evolving and cannot imagine what I would do if I could not instantly get information. Information is easy and common; it was an absolute pleasure to see the internet as a fascinating thing through the eyes of my grandpa. It is not often enough that I get to spend so many hours with him and so many hours in which we are both entertained by the fascinating world of possibilities before us.

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Great Week with Family!

I spent the last week in Florida, and it was glorious! No where makes me happier than the beach, and no where feels more at home than my grandparents house. I moved a million times growing up and it was the one place I always visited. We were able to spend time with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins as well. It has been years since I’ve had good talks with them. I definitely could not have asked for  a better week!

Thank you mommy for getting us all together!

 

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